Why I Struggle So Much With Vlogging.
Having an online presence is something I have wanted since high school because I grew up watching YouTubers and Instagrammers rise in popularity in that way. I’m a creative and every single artist that I look up to is on YouTube or Instagram and that’s how I follow them and stay in touch with them. The internet is an incredible place and when a community is built up right, it can be a really beautiful thing.
One of the people I look up to the most is actually a gamer named Kiwisi, formerly known as Kiwisimming, who’s real name is Rachelle. She has built an incredibly close community on Twitch, but she started out on YouTube. She released a video today announcing that she was leaving YouTube forever, and it got me thinking about my own struggles with YouTube.
Different platforms require different amounts of work and different steps to produce content. As someone who covers several platforms, I’ve been struggling with some significantly more than others. My consistency on Instagram is absolutely horrible right now, but that is due to the holiday and spending time with family and it’s something I am actively working towards improving.
I have always struggled with YouTube and Twitch. When you think about it, those platforms require me to show more of myself than any other platform. I have to talk and interact during Twitch streams and with YouTube, being personable and making connections with people is key to growing. I’ve struggled so much to grow on both platforms, but when I follow my Twitch schedule, I see a change in my engagement, so that’s an easy fix.
With YouTube, I haven’t found that to be the case. Even if I upload 5 videos a week, the engagement just isn’t there and I haven’t really grown since I started my channel. I truly believe this is because I haven’t been personable enough with my audience and I have been dying to start vlogging, but I’ve also struggled to start too.
Vlogging is just plain scary. Philadelphia isn’t the same as LA or New York City and there aren’t people vlogging all over the place here. Carrying around a camera with me everywhere isn’t realistic for me and I know that even if I kept my camera in my bag at all times, I would clam up and nothing would end up being filmed. I’ve actually decided to film vlogs on my iPhone X instead of a big camera due to how my other videos are made, but it’s still been a struggle. It’s hard to be the one walking down the street filming themselves and it’s awkward. It draws a lot of attention and as a very introverted person, attention is the last thing I want (which is funny considering I’ve chosen to build my social media identity).
The solution I am currently working on is studio vlogging, meaning vlogging my daily life from my “studio” (aka bedroom/house) primarily and building from there. Here is where the problem comes. I could be sitting by myself in my room with no one else home, and still clam up, but when I’m on Twitch and people are watching, I get excited. This is because when I’m by myself and filming a video that I have an endless amount of control over, I clam up and get nervous to release it. With Twitch, people are interacting and I get instant feedback, but with YouTube, I can cut and edit and I end up having nothing left.
YouTube in general takes some bravery, but vlogging is a whole other beast. I’m working really hard to build my confidence and surprisingly, school is definitely helping with that a lot. I know that I can do this and I’m working towards documenting my life and experiences, I just have to have as much faith in myself vlogging as I do when I’m streaming live. My goal for the summer is to build that confidence and it’s taken until now to be close to being there, but I’m determined to be there by the fall so I can share so much more of myself with you guys.
In the meantime, don’t be afraid to stop by on YouTube or Twitch or Instagram to say hello :)